Your experiences resonate with some of mine, when life starts to take a bad turn and you find yourself in a mirror universe, but there's no Spock with a cool beard, where up becomes down, the perfectly rational idea that there is no way out from this viewpoint wouldn't match other peoples who look at the same world and don't know the morbidness of which we're thinking and feeling. Its a bit foreign to most that anyone under such a state could be seen at a disco or out with friends where they think something like "depressed people must act 'depressed'(for some definition of that) 24/7", so this person near me who doesn't 'look depressed' mustn't be. But we don't usually let-on and they don't usually see it either, but the amount of distance between us is as deceptive as a certain British police box. If I lived in the UK, I hear that there can be a few month wait for treatment, at least you don't have to wonder about cost and access to meds and treatment. Folks with less income and/or access to treatment(like US folks) have to try to grasp at straws and wonder about the cost of treatment, meds, and trying to maintain our existence and/or livelihood while juggling that. Which to me means that the society is losing a lot of valuable peoples' contribution to work and society-at-large for some unimaginable 'savings'. I really appreciate the blogosphere and geekdom starting to spread awareness and peer support for situations like this.