In my experience, the people who call male feminists "patronizing" are usually other men who don't like being told they did something awful. I actually saw someone accused of "white knighting" on a Warhammer 40,000 blog, once, where I'm fairly sure there weren't too many women around for them to impress.

If a woman does call you out for being patronizing, the thing to do is to learn why she said that and then do your best to avoid that mistake in the future. Treat it as thought it were code that did not compile, and rewrite the code instead of blaming the compiler.